Ode to The Bangkok Taxi Driver

 Having lived in Thailand for 3 and a half years now, I feel a tribute has to be made to that peculiar of creatures, the Bangkok taxi driver. And what a species it is.

I’ve started to play a game of ‘guess the taxi driver type’ when I hail one down. Is he going to be Mr. traditional, with no English, with classic Thai songs on the radio, and with enough Buddha imagery to drop the suspension? These types normally have a license showing a picture of them about thirty years ago, and looking nothing like them. I wonder if these older drivers are mentally damaged from doing the same job for their lifetime?

Is my taxi driver going to be a young gun, with shades, driving like Lewis Hamilton, and with either modern Thai rock songs or Western rock songs blaring out of the speakers? Strangely enough, the license pictures of these drivers don’t look much like them either….

Is my driver going to be Mr: “Happy, friendly to farang (foreigners), cheerful chap”? Usually middle-aged, he knows a little bit of English, so wants to do the usual list of basic questions about my history as he drives. No guarantee that he understands the answers, but he tries. Depending on my mood, this type of guy can give me a pleasant journey or is a little bit annoying.

Just one important question: why, when a taxi driver asks you if you speak a little Thai, and you say: “Nitnoi!” (a little), he then proceeds to talk to you as if you have a higher degree in the Thai language? A little bit means a little bit, and yes, I have picked up some Thai but not enough to discuss the merits of Thai politics, economic forecasting, or car mechanics.

You know, it’s quite funny, I am continuously stalked by taxi drivers. Out here in Pattanakarn, in the sticks, where Farang are scarce and I’m quite a way from the centre of Bangkok, I get noticed all the time walking down the road.

Often, I will be aware of a taxi driver slowing down next to me as I pound the pavements, and wave at me as if I naturally need a taxi. Well, guys, thanks for the offer, but foreigners use their legs too. I can walk 300 metres to the 7-11 or Tesco Lotus without needing assistance.