On a hill overlooking an attractive stretch of the River Thames, stands the high-steepled church of St. Michael and All Angels, in the Oxfordshire village of Clifton Hampden.  And although the greater part of the present church is the result of Victorian ‘restoration fever’, there is historical evidence to suggest that a church has stood on the spot since well before the 12th century.

Some parts of the original medieval village church still exist inside the building, dating back to around the time of King Stephen who was the grandson of William the Conqueror.  Examples of the architecture from that time include the large square bases of two pillars, a piscina that once held holy water for making the sign of the cross and a carved crosslet in the lower part of a substantial stone pillar. 

A unique and fascinating artefact that also survived from around the 12th century is set into the south wall of the south chapel.  Believed to have been above the door of the original medieval church, it is a stone carving depicting a medieval boar hunt.

The baptismal font is attractive and richly decorated but relatively new in historical terms.  However, the church did at one time possess an ancient lead font until, in 1797, in what can only be described as a sheer act of vandalism, it was melted down by the churchwarden of the time, John Ridge, who then proceeded to use the lead to help repair the roof.  Quite rightly he was ‘invited to resign’.

For whatever reason, by 1843 the church had deteriorated to such an extent that only substantial restoration would save the building from being lost forever.  George Gilbert Scott, the celebrated architect responsible for, amongst other things, St. Pancras railway station in London and the Albert Memorial outside Buckingham Palace, was commissioned to save it.  Funds for the project were provided from a legacy from the late George Henry Gibbs, (whose tomb is inside the church), his widow and his son.  A second phase of restoration took place in the years 1864 to 1867 when a new organ was installed, three Gothic windows were introduced into the north wall and the chancel was re-fitted with stalls for the choir.

Outside, the churchyard of St. Michael and All Angels is interesting in its own right.  The steps leading up to the carved wooden lych-gate, and the churchyard itself, start from a deeply-hollowed lane that was once part of a coaching road that ran through the village from Dorchester-on-Thames.

At one point the churchyard was actually part of a farm, thereby bringing about the necessity to have all burials transported to nearby Dorchester-on-Thames.  In 1819 however, the land was given as a gift to the church by Anne Noyes, her sister and Elizabeth Drake, finally allowing the residents of Clifton Hampden to be buried in their own village.

On the subject of burials, there are two graves at Clifton Hampden that are of particular interest.  The first is that of William Dyke.  Dyke, at the time a 20 year-old private in the 1st Foot Guards (later to become the Grenadier Guards), accidentally fired the very first shot in the Battle of Waterloo of 1815.  The second is that of John Shannon DSO DFC RAAF, a 20 year-old squadron leader who, as a member of one of bomber crew, survived the ‘Dam Busters Raid’ over Germany in 1943.

One other item is worth a small mention with regard to the churchyard.  At the east end is a Cedar tree.  It was brought back from the Lebanon in 1864 by John Lomax Gibbs and grown entirely from seed. 

The Victorian façade of St. Michael and All Angels is only one small part of the timeline of its historical past.  How many other age-old secrets are yet to be revealed?

Other village churches in the series include: Charwelton (Northamptonshire),

Carlisle has changed beyond recognition during the past 20 years. It has gone from being a friendly little City to a busy, noisy environment like many of England’s other larger cities. However, it is still small in comparison with most.

Although I say it is a small city, which it is in terms of the actual inner city area, it is also the largest city in England because the city boundaries extend so far in all directions.

Carlisle is still somewhat cut off from the rest of the country in that it has no international airport. There have been plans to extend the existing local airport, but these have never got off the ground. So, if you want to fly in you have to go to Newcastle and use the train, or drive across the 90 mile gap to Carlisle. The other options are Glasgow or Manchester airports.

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There is the main railway line running throuh the centre, but train times are very restricted and if you want to travel late at night, or on a Sunday, you will find that there are few trains if any. For example, if you want to get to Preston on a Sunday you cannot travel until after 2pm. So, we are fairly well cut off from the rest of the country where transport is concerned.

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The City used to be a network of small shopping lanes, but now these have been knocked down and there is a large shopping centre in their place. Names like Long Lane, Globe Lane and Drovers Lane still exist and are a tribute to their heritage but the ultra modern New Lanes Shopping centre now stands on the site of the Old Lanes. Here there is a whole range of modern shops like Debenhams, HMV, Next, New Look, H&M, Faith, Quiz, etc. There is however, no supermarket in the Lanes. You have to go across the road to Marks and Spencer or Tesco for this.

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Apart from a range of shops, Carlisle has a cathedral which boasts the largest stained glass window in Britain, a Castle, and a number of historic buildings including the Prior’s Ceiling (at the Cathedral) The Guildhall and The Citadel. It is only a few miles from Hadrian’s Wall and parts of that structure are visible just a few miles away. Tullie House is a Jacobean Mansion which houses the museum and art gallery and is surrounded by historic gardens including a herb garden and a Roman Well.

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Various plaques in the City centre commemorate important historical events and eras. For example, there is a list of charges to made for entrance into the city which is attached to the old north gate. It lists various animals at 1d each and Scotsman at 2d each. At the bottom is a note that reminds visitors that Scotsmen must leave the City before nightfall.

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On the wall near the Citadel there is a plaque commemorating the last hanging in England and beneath the Town Hall in the square, you will find England’s first Victorian red pillar box.

Accommodation is easily found in Carlisle, with a choice of many hotels including the Ibis, Crown and Mitre, Lakes Court hotel and others in the town centre, depending on your preference and pocket.

Gretna Green is just a short drive away and Robert The Bruce’s Cave on the Scottish side of the border is another popular tourist spot. Out to the west is the Solway Firth with its mud flats, sand dunes and spectacular bird life.

Carlisle has everything you need including many nightspots and clubs and restaurants grouped together on the southern side of the city centre. You can find plenty of interest in and around the City Centre, and access to the lake District is easy by bus coach, train, or car.

It seems strangely mysterious when first seen that the impressive and substantial village church of Charwelton, between Banbury and Daventry in the Northamptonshire countryside, stands virtually on its own in a sea of grass almost a mile away from the village that it serves.

 However, the answer to the apparent mystery of the lonely village church is unfortunately an unromantic one.  Nevertheless, its story in terms of social history is an interesting one.

 Up until the end of the 15th century – around 1490 – two villages once stood in the area; a busy, thriving community known as Little Charwelton (later to be known as Church Charwelton), and the other known as Great Charwelton (later to be called Town Charwelton, and nowadays simply as Charwelton), the village that presently stands on the busy A361 Banbury to Daventry road.  From 1490 onwards the population of Little Charwelton suddenly began to reduce at a dramatic rate.  So much so that within a few short years it was completely and utterly deserted.

 The village up to this point was prosperous.  It contained a number of well-known and popular inns used frequently by coach travellers from Warwick and surrounding areas on their way to London.  In its time the main thoroughfare through the village was a busy one.

 So why did prosperous Little Charwelton become just another deserted medieval village?

 As is often the case in history, a number of suggestions have been put forward as to the reason for the demise of the village.  One school of thought maintains that it was destroyed by the Black Death, (1348-49), or the Great Plague as it was known.  Others state that the building of the medieval packhorse bridge, (which still stands at the roadside to this day), built in the 14th century on the Banbury – Daventry road, made Great Charwelton village made better business sense as traffic on this road increased, prompting the innkeepers and trades people of Little Charwelton to move villages. 

 But, another theory that probably has the most credibility is this one. 

 Just before the decline of Little Charwelton, sheep farming became extremely popular all over the Midlands, resulting in huge profits being made from trading in wool compared with lower profits from the sale of crops.  The landowner, who would have turned his land over to flocks of grazing sheep with only a couple of shepherds to employ, would simply have thrown the villagers, the majority of whom worked in the surrounding fields, out of their little cottages.  Every single building would then have been destroyed. 

The occupants had no rights whatsoever under English law, and would simply have been left to fend for themselves as best they could.  This theory, as harsh as it may sound, is borne out by the fact that this type of land clearance became the fate of hundreds of villages across England at that time, particularly within the Midlands area.

 Sadly there is little to show today that there was ever a village in front of Charwelton church, except for a few lumps and bumps in the ground.  But, by looking a little closer at the bumps, the area will give offer a tantalising glimpse of its past history. 

 Slightly raised areas of grass can clearly be seen where the bases of cottages and other buildings once stood.  Between some of these raised areas, narrow pathways that once ran between buildings are just visible as slight depressions in the ground.  But the most impressive aspect of the former village is the remains of that once-busy main road, running the complete length of the village, represented now as a deep, wide, grassy depression in the ground, worn into its present shape by centuries of use.

 Charwelton church itself dedicated as the Church of the Holy Trinity, and one of the finest in the area, has been a place of worship for at least 800 years, and records show that there was a religious building on the site soon after the Norman Conquest of 1066.  The church, with its sturdy tower and surrounded by its ancient churchyard exudes an air of strength and infinite longevity.

 An interesting facet on the outside of the building, on a south-facing buttress, is the presence of a circular scratch or mass dial.  Much smaller than the common sundial it is marked with lines etched into the stonework radiating outwards from the centre showing the times of the various religious services during the day.  A tangible reminder from the days when all churches in England belonged to the Catholic faith.

 Inside the church, after passing through the 12th century doorway, are memorials to the landowners of the time such as Thomas Andrewes, a wealthy merchant who died in 1496, and of the Knightley family who were influential throughout Northamptonshire.  These landowners, or ‘Lords of the Manor’ as they were more commonly known, would have been responsible for providing money for the upkeep of the church building and for the paying of the priest’s salary.

There is also a list of rectors’ names covering the period from 1221 to 1961 on display in the church.

 The baptismal font, near to which hangs a brass portrait of the 1468 rector William Smarte, is richly decorated with carvings of roses and oak leaves and dates from the 15th century; the wooden, canopied pulpit is Jacobean; the altar rails are 17th century; the candelabra is Dutch and the lectern is made from Spanish chestnut.  The church also contains an old parish chest made from solid oak that once held all the parish records.

 This beautiful church is well-worth visiting, and it would be hard to find a more charming and peaceful place in the whole of the Northamptonshire countryside than – the village church that stands in the middle of nowhere.

 Other English Village Churches in this series include: Clifton Hampden (Oxfordshire),

In the 13th century, especially when the Bruce family took up the crown, the castle changed hands between the Scots and the English every few years. The frequent sieges did a lot of damage and it is therefore not too surprising that no buildings from that time survive. Stirling Castle as we see it today is a product of the 16th century. James IV, James V, Marie of Guise, and James VI took it in turns to add, replace, and embellish the building as a truly Royal residence.

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The history of the Royal house of Scotland is one of social climbing. Scottish Royalty was regarded as second rate by the leading monarchies and they were treated like the poor cousins by the kings of England. The frequent marriages into the Royal houses of France were aimed at bettering their acceptance in the European pecking order, and helped the French in aggravating the English more than once.

After James VI became King of England, he moved to London and converted Stirling into barracks, whereby the former Royal Hall became a stable. Talk about social climbing! The castle was used in this way until 1964. In 1930, restoration work started on the Chapel Royal, and since the military left the premises in 1964, major restoration and rebuilding work has been ongoing to recreate the castle to how it looked as residence of the Scottish kings.

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As part of this restoration, the wooden ceiling panels in the Royal bedchamber built by James V. The room was described at the time as the most sumptuous room in Europe and was another ploy to gain acceptance as part of the leading monarchies in Europe. The artisan entrusted with copying the wooden panels noticed a deviation in the 20th panel when he started working on it. Around the edge of the portrait of an unknown woman he found an embellishment that reminded him more of a code than just a whimsy of the original artist.

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Analysis of the markings consisting of 0, I, and II marks revealed it to be a musical annotation similar to Welsh musical annotations of the 1560s. The panels predate the Welsh musical scores by a generation. The annotations are not a precise musical score as we would read it today for Bach or Mozart, but rather a guiding ground sequence on which the Renaissance musicians would improvise or play variations thereof. A modern equivalent of this may be found in Jazz music.

This system of annotating musical scores was given up during the 17th century replaced by the musical scores we still use. The game of playing variations of a well known tune did not die out with it; one famous collection of later variations was composed and written down by Christoph Emmanuel Bach, one of the many musical Bach children on a French song called “Ah, que je vous dirai, Madame.” The tune of which, by the way, is still a favourite children song in German speaking countries.

To get your eyes on the room, the ceiling, and the code you’ll have to be patient. The restoration of Royal bedchamber and presence room (an antechamber to the bedroom where court favourites were received by the monarch) will take until 2011 to complete.

The claims of historians, reported just about in any media I could find, that these annotations are the oldest musical annotations found in Scotland are dubious, as there seem to be musical scores integrated into Rosslyn Chapel predating Stirling’s by several centuries.

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A Stormy Night over Glasgow

Not for Sale

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What does Mr. Happy from the Mr. Men series have to do with Glasgow? Well in 1983 Glasgow City Council launched their ‘Glasgow’s Miles Better’ campaign to promote the city. They used the icon of Mr Happy because their campaign could also have been read as ‘Glasgow Smiles Better’. Clever advertising from the council. The Mr Happy drive had, by 1989 run its course and it was replaced by the ‘Glasgow’s Alive’ campaign. But due to public demand, Mr. Happy was brought back in 1994.

Re-winding a few years. The city of Glasgow was originally a makeshift hamlet of a number of huts built around a church in the 6th century. It was at the time referred to as ‘Glaschow’ which roughly translates as ‘the beloved green place’. The city was built on and around the river Clyde and became the greatest shipbuilding centre in the world by the 19th century. The patron saint of Glasgow is Saint Mungo (He was the one who built the church in the 6th century).

The coat of arms of Glasgow has a very interesting story behind it. It includes images of ‘the tree that never grew’, ‘the bird that never flew’, the fish that never swam’ and ‘the bell that never rang’. I was going to quickly explain what each of those actually meant but I thought if you were interested you can research it yourself. Underneath the coat of arms can be found the motto of Glasgow; ‘Let Glasgow Flourish’.

Glasgow is renowned throughout the world for having such a fine range of varying styles of architecture. There can be found in Glasgow examples of ‘Victorian’, ‘Greek Revival’, ‘Gothic Style’ and even ‘Venetian Style’ of building designs. Another famous style was made famous by Charles Rennie Mackintosh. The Glasgow School of Art is probably his most famous building in Glasgow, it is a magnificent ‘Art Noveau’ building of taut stone and glass.

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As cities go, the centre of Glasgow is not actually that big but if you include greater Glasgow you will find that it has a population of over 1 million people. I know if you are reading this and come from one of the big cities in America you are probably thinking that 1 million people is not a lot. Well, let’s put it another way, roughly 20% of the people in Scotland live in Glasgow.So it is fortunate that Glasgow has a subway system. Interestingly although it is called ‘The Glasgow Subway’ most people refer to it as ‘The Underground’. It also has a famous nickname which comes about because of the colour of the trains that use the subway. It is nicknamed the ‘Clockwork Orange’.

There have been many famous people who have hailed from Glasgow. The list includes Sir Alex Ferguson (football manager), Charles Rennie Mackintosh (designer), Benny Lynch (champion boxer) and Liz Lochhead (poet). But one of the most famous people to have come from Glasgow is comedian Billy Connolly. The ‘Big Yin’, as he is affectionately known, once worked on the shipyards in Glasgow before embarking on world domination as a comedian. His iconic ‘Banana Boots’ can be found in the museum called ‘The People’s Palace’.

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The 1980s were a time for change in Glasgow. The shipyards had gone, the populations was declining, something had to be done. The council put in to action a plan that was to turn the cities fortunes round in a very short space of time. We have already mentioned the ‘Glasgow’s Miles Better’ campaign. Add to that the opening of the Burrell Collection in 1983, which is a museum that hosts over 9,000 artifacts donated by Sir William Burrell, and it was plain that Glasgow was on the up again. In 1985 the SECC (the Scottish Exhibition and Conference Centre) was opened and 3 years later Glasgow hosted their own Garden Festival. The festival was estimated to have produced a grand total of nearly 300 million pounds for Glasgow. The festival itself included many fairground attractions including the largest roller coaster in Britain at the time. The roller coaster was sponsored by Coca-Cola.

Glasgow became the ‘European City of Culture’ for 1990 which helped to transform the city’s image. The definition of culture covered not only music, drama and the arts but also other human endeavours such as architecture, design, engineering and education. In fact it all helped to show off how diverse the characteristics of Glasgow were. During that year many visitors from around the world descended on Glasgow to see for themselves how interesting the city was. Approximately 3,500 different public events were showcased during the year.

Glasgow is home to 4 major football clubs. 3 are professional and the other is an amateur team. Celtic are based in the East of Glasgow, Rangers are based in the West just South of the Clyde, Partick Thistle are based to the West just North of the river Clyde and the amateur team, Queen’s Park, are based in the southside. The football team Clyde used to be based in Glasgow but are now in Lanarkshire. Third Lanark were once a Glasgow club but they folded in 1967. Rangers and Celtic are the two ‘big fish’ of Scottish football and are collectively known as the ‘Old Firm’.

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On the subject of football. One of the biggest prizes that a European football club can win is the European cup (now known as the Champions League). In 1967 Glasgow Celtic became not only the first Scottish club to win it but they were the first British club to win the trophy. A replica of the famous trophy can be found in the stadium of Celtic. They beat the mighty Inter Milan 2-1 in Lisbon to take the trophy. The Celtic team that won the famous trophy have gone down in history as ‘the Lisbon Lions’.

Fast forward to 2009–Ancestry.com has allowed me to associate my immigrant ancestors with particular places:  To summarize, they almost all came from either the Hebrides (Mull or Skye) or the western Highlands to North America between 1750 and 1800, settling first in North Carolina, but eventually within the space of about one or two generations ending up in North Texas.  I’ve even traced two ancestors who fought at Culloden for Bonnie Prince Charles.  But alas, I’ve also discovered that my pocket book was empty, which meant I have had to satisfy my inner Scot by contacting distant family members by way of various clan web sites.

Most clans charge their members a small yearly membership fee, although anyone can visit their Web sites, which more often than not delve deeply into family history, but occasionally descend into more mundane matters–a request for the loan of a kilt for a wedding, blurbs for a clan member who has published a book, or else really corny jokes–all of which, serve as preparation for getting together at various regional Highland Games.

These venues, which take place throughout the year, feature piping, Highland dancing, strictly Scottish athletic events, such as tossing the caber, and a field full of white tents where anyone interested can inquire of the McDonalds (Clan Donald), the Campbells, the Hendersons, and the like about family history.  Of course, a lot of vendors come along for the show, selling haggis, shortbread, tartans, CDs by Scottish and Irish artists, and Celtic-themed jewelry and t-shirts.  In the evening, the individual clans gather for ceilidhs (pronounced “kay lees”)–Gaelic-flavored jam sessions that on the other side of the Atlantic usually take place in a pub.  Of course, the visitor will encounter many more kilted want-to-be Scots at an American-based Highland Game then he or she would ever see in present-day Edinburgh or Glasgow unless perhaps attending a wedding.

Naturally, one doesn’t have to be of Scottish descent to enjoy visiting a Highland Games festival.  Last year, I overheard two German speakers who were watching a pipe band contest, and when I inquired, they told me that while visiting Fort Hood, they had decided to take in the nearby Salado, Texas, Highland Games.  Being a very practical Scottish-American, I asked if perhaps it would have been more convenient to fly across the North Sea. 

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Every year on 5th November, England celebrates Guy Fawkes Day. 

In the year 1605 Guy Fawkes and his gang of conspirators put some barrels of gunpowder into the cellar at the Houses of Parliament.  They intended to kill the English King James and his supporters.

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The reason for this terrorist activity was that Guy Fawkes was a Roman Catholic and he felt that Catholics were being treated badly and unfairly by the government.  Queen Elizabeth I  had made laws against the Roman Catholic Church and its followers and they hoped that King James I  would repeal the laws and make things better, but he did not do this.

Anyone who refused to attend the Protestant Church of England on a Sunday and on religious festival days was fined. The Catholics had to follow their own religion in secret for fear of persecution.  When James I came to the throne they were more than happy because they thought the law against Catholics would be repealed. However, James I made even more laws and gave them fewer rights.

A band of men which included Guy Fawkes,  led by Robert  Catesby, planned to blow up Houses of Parliament which is the place where English laws are made. Their idea was simple and they just waited until Parliament was opened by the King and went in to put explosives in the basement.

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Guy Fawkes himself was supposed to take care of the gunpowder barrels and light the fuse when it was time to blow the whole thing sky high. On 5th November, some soldiers discovered Guy Fawkes standing by the powder barrels.  At first Guy refused to name his fellow plotters but in the end, after a lot of torture, he named them all.

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When King James I  was told about this he realised that a threat to his life had been thwarted, he decreed that a huge bonfire should be lit every 5th November.  The ceremony to mark the occasion is still celebrated today with bonfires and fireworks.

Priory Road Cemetery,
Prestbury, Gloucestershire

It was shortly after being fired from the Rolling Stones that Brian Jones was found dead in the swimming pool of Cotchford Farm. He had drowned. Because his death was ruled to be a suicide, the Church of England declined to find burial room and instead, he was interred at this municipal cemetery. Fans travel to the plot every year in February and July to commemorate his birth and death.

Dusty Springfield
(1939-1999)

St Mary’s Church,
Henley-on-Thames, Oxfordshire

Having died from breast cancer, Dusty Springfield’s funeral took place in her home-town of Henley-on-Thames. Only some of her ashes were scattered here, the rest being scattered off the cliffs of Moher in County Clare, Southern Ireland. Her grave is marked by a rather modest stone that gives her name and dates. It also mentions that she was awarded the OBE.

Ian Curtis
(1956-1980)

Macclesfield Cemetery and Crematorium,
Cheshire

Curtis committed suicide at his marital home in 1980, he was cremated nearby. His gravestone read the immortal words ‘Love will tear us apart’. The one that is now there is not the original one though; it has replaced one that was stolen in the summer of 2008. Someone got a souvenir at least!

John Bonham
(1948-1980)

St Michael’s Church,
Rushock, near Droitwich Spa, Worcestershire

The drummer of Led Zeppelin, John Bonham died on 24th September 1980 after a 24 hour binge on alcohol that included around 40 vodkas. He was cremated, his gravestone sits in a churchyard that is near his one time home of Old Hyde Farm. His gravestone is often covered in mementos left by fans.

Keith Moon
(1946-1978)

Golders Green Crematorium,
Hoop Lane, London NW11

Renowned for having problems with drink, drugs and behaviour that verged on the ridiculous, Keith Moon died from an overdose of the sedative Heminevrin. After cremation, some of his ashes were scattered over a huge lawn in the Crematorium. Although people are not meant to go on the grass (because of the scattered ashes!) some people go on and do weird things to commemorate Moon’s live.

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Marc Bolan
(1947-1977)

Golders Green Crematorium,
Hoop Lane, London NW11

Lead singer of T.Rex, Marc Bolan was killed at Barnes Common after the Mini he was a passenger in hit a tree. At the crematorium there are three different focuses for remembrance. There are two plaques in the West Memorial Court (one was funded by his fan club). There is also a rose bush in the West Statue Beds which is marked by a small plastic sign. Many fans take a pilgrimage to the crematorium on 16th September, the date of his death.

Nick Drake
(1948-1974)

St Mary Magdalene Church,
Tanworth-in-Arden, Warwickshire

Drake’s death was classed as suicide but there has been much debate since; cause of death was an overdose of antidepressants. After his body was cremated, his ashes were scattered beneath an oak tree in the village where he was brought up. His gravestone is inscribed with the words ‘Now we rise and we are everywhere.’. It was taken from the lyrics from his last ever album.

Sandy Denny
(1947-1978)

Putney Vale Cemetery,
Stag Lane, London SW15

Once a member of Fairport Convention, Sandy Denny died of a brain haemorrhage four weeks after falling down the stairs. She was buried as close to her family home in Wimbledon. Her headstone simply reads ‘The Lady’; in reference to a song from her 1972 album Sandy.

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Perhaps it is to simply good luck or perhaps people believe that by leaving a coin in the bark of the tree they may have it returned to them many times over.  Whatever the origins of this strange habit, there are a number of trees in the United Kingdom that bear the financial hopes of many.  Perhaps they found it difficult to reconcile their gross habits with their net income.

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The people of Yorkshire, in the north of England are renowned for being careful with their money.  While this localized stereotype may not always be fair there is evidence that on occasion they are willing to throw caution to the wind and hammer their low denomination coinage in to trees.  The good folk of Ingleton in North Yorkshire have some of the most stunning woodlands in the country and the local waterfalls trail has something other to offer than the sight of the wet stuff cascading in a picturesque way.

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Close up it seems as if the coins have almost merged with the wood, but that is the effect of the weather upon the metal.  Some suggest that the reason money is pushed in to the bark is more than just a desire to increase one’s wealth.  It is thought that the amount of coins pushed in by an individual may result in them producing the same amount of children when their natural fecundity discovers a partner.  The tree itself, though long since alive, has come to bear a marked resemblance to the torso of some sort of lizard, the coins becoming its scales.  It is almost Arthurian in its strangeness.

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You do not even have to leave the county to see another tree which is pitted with hundreds of coins.  Bolton Abbey, famous for the wonderful ruins of a twelfth century priory also has its own money tree.  The fact that two trees of the same kind are found in the same county may well say something about its inhabitants.  If perhaps you are of the opinion that money can do anything, you might after all be accused of doing anything for money.  Perhaps those visiting these trees would have been better off simply putting a little money away in a savings account each month.  In a year they would be surprised at how little they have.

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It is said that if all the rich people in the world divided their money up between themselves then there almost certainly would not be enough to go around.  Perhaps wishing for money is one thing, but getting it is another.  As they say, when the gods wish to punish us, then they give us what we want.  Cicero, way back before the Christian era said that endless money created the sinews of war – and nothing is truer than that two thousand years later.

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If you are ever taken on a jaunt to Cumbria then you should not forget to visit Ambleside over the Kirkstone Pass.  Aira Force, again the site of a beautiful waterfall – one of the best known waterfalls in the Lake District in fact – is home to yet another money tree.  If Poirot was around today he would perhaps be profiling those people who use trees for this sort of decoration.  Firstly, the north of England, secondly they generally seem to be close to waterfalls.  Throw in a good murder mystery and you might well have the basis of a Christie-esque novel.

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Dovedale in Derbyshire is the home of the one above – so the plot thickens.  Owned by the National Trust in the UK, it annually attracts over a million visitors to its beautiful scenery.  And strangely enough, a river runs through it.  The plot thickens.  If you happen to go there in hunt of the money tree, don’t forget that you can also see the famous caves known as the Dove Holes, which sound something like a SM heavy metal band, but there you go.

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Teesdale is a somewhat colder place than the rest of those which have money trees.  It is in a valley on the east side of the Pennine mountains in England.  It is an official AONB in the UK – an Area Of Outstanding Beauty.  The River Tees rises below the highest river, Cross Fell and although within England the local climate is classified as sub-arctic.  Snow has been known to fall there in June.  Whatever the reasons people have stuck coins in these trees, one can only hope that the wish they made when they did it come true.  One can only hope it was not for wealth as that has been seen to fail to make people happy as readily as poverty.

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Riding the District Line the other day, it even got better than that. Being on a westbound train, it decided to make the terminal stop at Whitechapel and return to Barking instead of running into the city. At the same time the eastbound service drew in on the other platform to make its terminal stop there as well and return to the city instead of running to Barking. I suppose this makes sense to somebody, probably the brainless tube employees, but it doesn’t make any sense to normal people.

The announcement on my platform following this rather abrupt end to the journey was: ‘Please board the train waiting on the eastbound platform.’ And judging the sudden surge in people on the eastbound platform, they received similar information for our platform. As there is a footbridge from one platform to the other designed for a trickle of people to pass over, the scenes than ensued were pure Charlie Chaplin movie. The outcome of it was that nobody reached the trains on the other platform before they left.

The result was inevitable: The surges turned back on themselves, and total bedlam reigned supreme as people tried to get back or forth. I was still standing on my platform and admiring the organizational skills of Underground management. And please remember: ‘Don’t take it out on the staff.’

On one of my prior articles mentioning lazy and overpaid staff at the tube, one of the members of staff (I presume) felt inclined to whine about us bad writers who harangue the poor overworked and underpaid jobbers. I don’t know how you feel about it, but I myself find people who don’t work on weekends and during nights because they are too lazy to do it, lazy. Considering that they cash in a whopping £50,000 a year, the word overpaid seems appropriate to me. Especially if I look at Switzerland, where they would earn just about half as much, including night work, and with shop prices at least 30 percent higher than in England, the word to use should not be ‘overpaid’ but ‘robbery’.

Now please add to this picture the last tube strike. It is an open secret that during the strike the strikers were not staging picket lines, but having a party paid for by the union. What a way to live, wish I could earn so much money just for pressing a button. Knowing all of which, it is hardly surprising that the tube has the longest waiting list of persons waiting to be employed.

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