Trifter

I just spent a weekend in Amsterdam and have to say these things:

We’ve all heard about Amsterdam’s Green Revolution.

 Bicycles are the favored form of urban transportation.

Hashish and marijuana are legal and may be smoked in the street.

Sounds like paradise, doesn’t it?

They still have a red light district; you can see scantily dressed women while walking on the street, even talk to them without paying a cent.

Heaven for some…

Now for the flip side: Bicycles are everywhere. They are parked on sidewalks, sometimes for months without being touched. I saw more than one parked bicycle with its wheel dented, probably by a wayward car. It’s an aesthetic nightmare. They’re all locked with heavy cables or chains. As the city is flat, they don’t need gears, so they’re relatively cheap models. Bicycle riders have special lanes that are easy to see. These lanes are between the street and the sidewalk. The sidewalk, on the other hand, is full of obstacles- parked bicycles (some out of commission), baby carriages, trucks unloading, fire hydrants, tourists and other pedestrians, pot-smoking youth, you name it. Second, the bicycle lane is smooth pavement, the sidewalk is uncomfortable cobblestone.  

For these reasons it is generally easier and more comfortable to walk in the bike lane, when it’s empty. In no time bells are ringing from either or both directions and the walker in the city must leap to safety, often colliding with another pedestrian. I haven’t been so fearful in the street since I visited England (with their wrong way driving).

So much for bicycles in the city. Remember tourists! Amsterdam is not pedestrian friendly.

With people smoking pot in the street, passersby are forced to inhale second-hand smoke. Environmentally friendly? I don’t smoke and don’t want to be forced to smoke other people’s excess fumes, whatever they are. Enough said.

Last is the red light district. I enjoy seeing a pretty young woman in a g-string or thong, probably more than the next person. What I don’t enjoy is seeing female impersonators dressed similarly and trying to persuade me to part with fifty euros for some action. The tour guides tell of a young man who rejoins his friends after a visit to one of these cubicles. He praises the young woman’s lingual abilities, and didn’t even speak with her! His friends: “Don’t you know a transvestite when you see one”? Him: “It can’t be… I went to her twice”.

If it were only transvestites, okay, caveat emptor. The problem is all these hermaphrodites and sex change people (ex-men). They look like the real thing, as long as you don’t see the whole thing.

Remember tourists! Amsterdam doesn’t believe in truth in advertising.

In short, Amsterdam is lots of fun, but you should remember these simple warnings when you go.