Trifter

Here is my response to reports that consumers recently evaluated the airlines industry and gave it grade of “D.”

I wish to point out that the optimum flying experience is often out of the hands of the airline employees. The passengers themselves are to blame for the poor airline reviews. Flying is like going to Disneyland on the warmest and most populated day. You just have to be patient waiting in a three hour line to fly on Dumbo with the rest of humanity.

Here are some things that are not the airline carrier’s problem:

1. You get an “organized, herding” kind of feeling and you have an unexplained deep desire to “moo.”.
2. The guy next to you has not bathed in a while and the stench makes your eyes water
3. A huge woman has chosen the middle seat. Her rump expands over to your seat. You are in the window seat and literally seating on the window shade.
4. The gentleman in the middle seat takes both arm rests and insists on reading his newspaper even if his elbow knocks you in the ribs
5. The guy behind you keeps yelling the latest news article that he is reading in his magazine. Unfortunately he is hard of hearing and he thinks everyone else is as well. “I SAID LITTLE GREEN MEN HAVE INVADED CALIFORNIA CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?”
6. The kid in front of you gets out of his seatbelt turns around, smiles and quickly drools in your face. Isn’t he precious?
7. The lady in front of you just keeps ordering drinks as her kids jump on the seats, scream and argue. “Sit down little Jimmy or I will be forced to order another white wine and I mean it!”
8. The guy next to you tells you that you look like a famous actress and he would like your phone number. He says this 10 times before you even take-off.
9. The lady behind you chooses the flight home to tell her husband that she wants a divorce and reveals all the sordid details as to why. “Listen Harry, I know about you and Meredith and Jill and FiFi and Bob and the horse and I want a divorce!”
10. The couple next to you decides that the honeymoon destination is not the only place to prove their desire for each other. They decide to ask for a blanket and get an early start on the activities. “Oh baby, yes! Yes!”

So as you can see the airlines are not really to blame for the diverse and often lousy flying experiences that we all encounter. Dealing with the public on overbooked, delayed, and overcrowded flights has to be one of the worst jobs in the world.

But what do you mean charging me an extra $25 bucks to check in my luggage? Why don’t you charge the idiot tying up the line trying to load his casket in the overhead after bumping every passenger in the face as he makes his way down the aisle?

Isn’t flying wonderful?