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A Pilot’s Handbook

by Poliko on 31/12/08 at 6:47 am

Golden rules of how survive as a pilot.

  1. Takeoffs aren’t necessary. But landing is always compulsory. 
  2. If you move that big handle that is right in front of you away from you, the houses on the ground will become bigger. If you move it towards you, they become smaller. Though if you will continue to pull it towards you as much as possible, they will again grow bigger.
  3. Flying isn’t dangerous. It’s the collisions that are dangerous.
  4. There can be too much fuel only in one case – in case of fire on the plane.
  5. The propeller is a big fan, that is set in the front of the plane, so that the pilot won’t feel too hot, because as soon as the propeller stops, the pilot begins sweating.
  6. If you have doubt, stay on the same height. No one has ever collided with the sky.
  7. A “good” landing is when you can crawl out of the plane by yourself. An “excellent” landing is when the plan can be used again.
  8. You will discover if you landed without the undercarriage out if you will have to gas really hard during the taxiing.
  9. Beware the clouds. Every cloud has a silver lining (that may turn out to be another plane).
  10. Try to keep the amount of takeoffs equal to the amount of landings.
  11. There are 3 simple rules on how to perform a smooth landing. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
  12. You start off with a full bag of fortune and an empty one of experience. The trick is to fill the second before the first one becomes empty.
  13. Helicopters can’t fly – the Earth repels them because they are so ugly.
  14. If you see that the earth is rotating outside your window and if you hear screams from the passenger section, then something has gone really wrong.
  15. Look around. There is always something you could have missed.
  16. Remember that gravity is a law that cannot be appealed.
  17. The 3 most useless things for a pilot are: the space above you, the space behind you, and the split of the second that you missed.
  18. It’s always better to be on the ground, willing to be in the air, than to be in the air, and wanting to be on the ground more than anything else.
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