Trifter

A fun look at our close neighbors up in the, “Great White North”. We will take a closer look at some differences between Canadians and Americans, with a little bit of always needed humor to help this crummy old world to keep spinning around.

1) Canadians never need refrigerators or freezers. The snow never melts, the temperature is never above 32 degrees Fahrenheit, so they just keep groceries and frozen foods in a wooden box just outside the back door of the house or on the back porch.

2) Canadian restroom habits. Sadly, Canadian households have no toilets, because the tank water would freeze, breaking the porcelain tanks and bowls, due to the expansion of the freezing water. They can’t just go outside, because the pee freezes immediately, and can shatter and flying sharp pieces of yellow ice have poked out many an eye and caused many lacerations. Same with the bowel movements. They freeze solid upon exiting, and can shatter on impact with the ground and cause painful bruises and broken ankles.

Solution, you ask? Simple. A bucket in front of the family heater.

3) Temperature. This is simple to deal with. When some one asks, “How’s the weather up there”? That’s easy, the answer is always the same, cold. That doesn’t really matter though, because they probably use the metric system, and unless you are a meteorologist, who can figure out or care about Celsius anyway?

4) Healthcare for every citizen. This truly a great idea, I wish America could find a way to offer this to Americans. The drawback is that there are only five doctors in the entire country of Canada, and you can’t get there 10 months out of the year, so the cost is much lower to the government or Parliament or Queen or whatever they have running things up there. This a great money saver. There is however another doctor training, and a second hospital will open up soon.

5) Wildlife and hunting. In Canada, you can walk outside in your backyard and shoot an elk or a moose any given day of the year, thus deeming unnecessary trips to the supermarket and fresh meat is always around. If you are tired and just got home from work, no problem, just leave the animal outside, it will freeze by the time the news is over with, and you can worry about disemboweling the animal later.

6) Fresh healthy fish. A lake is no more that 20 minutes away from anywhere in Canada, so fresh healthy fish and delicious salmon are always readily available, an important way to keep the body healthy with plenty of omega III and fish oil.

7) Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Seriously, this is just really cool. I don’t know if they still wear the same uniform and ride horses all the time, but in all honesty, I know some places are impassable, and a horse can still go places vehicles and people cannot.

Rush and Celine Dion. Rush is one of the all time greatest rock bands, I know there are others, but this is a favorite of mine. Celine Dion is not a favorite of mine, but after her Las Vegas run, became I believe one of the richest artists of all time, and seriously, who could ever forget the theme song from Titanic, or “A Moment Like This”, or “I’m Your Lady”? If not mistaken, I believe Dan Akroyd, some other SNL folks and Jim Carrey are also from Canada, as well as Doug and Bob McKenzie.

9) The CFL. Just like the NFL, without the marketing and outrageous salaries. Football is football folks, they got talent like the NFL.

10) The people. I started this off with jokes and fun, but have found out through my newfound love of an old passion, writing things on paper to share with others, Good people still exist in the world today, yep even up in Canada. Like I said in an earlier article, the world is a much smaller place when you’ve got Triond people close to your heart, even if you or one of them is having a crummy day.