Trifter

Trying to pin down a definitive list of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World is like trying to contain 100 gallons of water in a 55 gallon drum; there are so many claimants that it is a very good thing I’m making the selections; this is no task for an amateur. 

In picking through various sources, in libraries as well as from the internet, it soon became apparent, to me, that I might just as well choose the Seven Natural Wonders of My World, awesome places I have visited myself, and that happen to appear on one or more of the lists that I have read.

I also decided that it would be best if I were to make haste with my choices, because unnatural things are happening to our natural wonders.  I have included pictures of these spectacular locales, as I remember them from my youth, which was misspent in a time when dirt was still very young.

In addition, I have inserted more modern illustrations which serve to bring my cloudy personal memories (I’m a 60s survivor) up-to-date. 

1) Grand Canyon. . . .and the Not-So-Grand Canyon Landfill, which attracts touring seagulls from hundreds of miles away.

2) Yosemite Valley. . .once famous for Half-Dome, now known primarily for Mr. Peabody’s Quarter-Dome Mining Corporation and Flat-Top Landscaping Company.

3) Kilauea Volcano, Hawaii. . .one of the few places in the world where god is still busy creating real estate.  Kilauea is host to the annual Parade of the Trial Lawyers.  Lawyers, sans trousers, attempt to dive to the bottom of the caldera, using their abnormal appendages to propel them into the inferno.

4) The Petrified Forest, Arizona. . .a much scarier place since the arrival of Petrified Ernest, who was transformed into a Petrified Pumpkin after offending Hopi Shape-Shifters.

5) Crater Lake. . .once in danger of overflowing, and flooding nearby towns.   Villagers were saved when Emperor Chandon the Constipated managed to stopper the impending flood with some creative corkage.

6) Big Sur, California. . . home to restless artists and escapees from the mainstream, was once invaded by a swarm of beer-swilling soft-ballers, including the 1985 Big Sur Softball League Champion Rebel Wreckers, which somehow won despite carrying the scribbler of this list, #2.

7) Natural Bridge, Virginia. . .once owned by Thomas Jefferson, now infested by hordes of screaming Homers.

Others may have their own lists of wonderful places, and that is all well and good, but make no mistake; this is the real deal no kidding genuine article, and should be taken as gospel (professors who do not accept this as a research source are to be privately humiliated and publicly ignored).

Image via Wikipedia